p-land

LOST!

2011-09-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

no. not just a chicken. a TINY grey chicken.

posted all over my neighborhood, i surmised this tiny grey chicken was loved. or worth at least a hundred dollars.

you can imagine my surprise when i saw a little chicken running across the street in front of our house. actually, it happens more than one might think. loose chickens happen fairly frequently in portland. we're irresponsible that way.

so i think, WOW! i am a. going to capture this chicken b. reunite a family and c. make some sweet reward cash! all in one afternoon!

so, i corner the chicken in a neighbor's yard and call the number on the poster. yes, it's a chicken. it's sort of little. and black and white. does that constitute grey? the guy comes running down the street to where the chicken is now taking a dust bath, whatever that is. turns out it's not the tiny grey chicken, but a totally different chicken he had misplaced. apparently, no reward for this loser. suck!

at first i thought this said...

2011-08-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

stop eating flies. which i thought was hilarious. hilarious! no. i don' t know why.

but stop eating flesh? not funny at all.

my work trip to salida, colorado

2011-07-23T16:51:00.000-07:00

pat and i worked all week on our business plan.

work, work, work.

trip highlights: free day old bread from the caring and sharing thrift shop! and...

prunes, a burro.

the fun shit we used to do before we tore down the house

2011-07-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

wear spandex, i mean.

we still wear helmets. always helmets.

fancy pants

2011-07-23T15:29:00.000-07:00

who says you have to buy new pants just because all the corduroy lines have worn off? the pants police? news flash! I AM the new pants police. so if anybody asks, you can catch them up to speed. no elections, really. just self appointed.

talking to strangers in truck stop parking lots isn't always a bad idea.

2011-07-23T15:24:00.000-07:00

look at this truck loaded with dog nests! who knew that's how pack animals travelled in the wild.

hollywood look-alikes!! read on!

2011-07-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

so i recently watched Temple Grandin, an autobiographical movie about Dr. Grandin, a famous animal behaviorist who happens to be autistic. Temple is thoughtfully played by Claire Danes.

i mean, it must have been like looking into a mirror when they met each other! astounding!

up-to-the minute BETH flash

2011-02-24T14:16:00.001-08:00

my torso is covered in giant, rashy, ITCHY, hive-like splotches

dear readers.

2011-02-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

all three of you. the man has been auditing the content of my wee blog. why would the man want to interfere with me? my words? no se. no se, at all. so, if you happen to read an especially lame entry, let's go ahead and blame it on him. and, thank you big blue pencil for your wisdom.

bakery chit chat

2011-02-18T12:02:00.000-08:00

so, i overhear someone talking about olden times. they say, "dinosaur". i try to make a joke about my olden times eggs and say, "vaginosaur!". which, sounded like "vagina sore!". either way, awesome comeback.

BHM pt. 1

2011-02-17T16:11:00.001-08:00

i call this one "carl celebrates black history month by riding a giant, wooden fish".

look what i got in the mail.

2011-02-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

one extra crazy peanut.

just another thing to make me doubt the size and power of my brain.

2011-02-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

peach. with a mention of raspberries, an indication of blueberries. and most certainly, a loathing of lattice. lattice work, not unlike the man, tries to keep me down. you will not succeed today lattice. maybe tomorrow. but not today.

2011-02-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

i'm back on the darning bandwagon. and i'm thinking about dabbling in a bit of damning, too. so, if i happen to damn you in the upcoming days, know it's nothing personal. just a phase.

2011-02-17T11:32:00.000-08:00

i saw black swan the other day.

when i was little i always dreamed of having feathers. ahh. childhood aspirations.

a hobo spider bit me yesterday.

2010-12-29T17:21:00.000-08:00

but in retrospect, it's not as bad as the actual hobo bite i also received yesterday.

2010-09-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

crooked lettering is almost as funny as crooked teeth. mispelled words just make me a little sad, though.

meat waffle

2010-09-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

i don't even know if i like waffles all that much. don't get me wrong. they're better than pancakes. but bacon on a waffle? and brie? do you see it? look closer. open those g.d eyes and behold.

lake made of crater juice

2010-08-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

in southern oregon, there is a place called crater lake. it is deep and blue and if you stare at the snow banks long enough you will realize it is summer in oregon.

big wood

2010-08-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

remember the trees of mystery from a few blogs ago? well, these trees were chopped down and carved into some mysterious shapes and scenes.

i think this one was called, "giant harnessed working rat".

jesus has the whole world in his hands. also, a small heifer.

sand all up in my crack

2010-08-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

the west coast is almost as ugly as you've heard.

this is just a big beach log i found. nothing funny about it.

maybe i could be a carnie.

2010-07-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

in my quest for gainful employment, i've been considering some alternate careers. could i be a carnie? am i disinterested enough? lazy enough? maybe, just maybe i am.

(above) all kinds of highly skilled, dedicated folks down at our local amusement park.

(below) some other yokels, my brother and the j-man.

T O M: get ready to be mystified

2010-07-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

there's a magical place in northern california called Trees of Mystery. indeed, the trees are somewhat mysterious. BUT, even more curious, giant paul bunyan and babe the blue ox welcoming you... enticing you... maybe even frightening you, if even just a little.

most mysterious of all: GIANT PLASTER TESTES.

the reason waffles are better than pancakes is a parallel theory to why malts are better than shakes

2010-07-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

i made some waffles the other day, and i thought to myself, "damn, these are some fine looking waffles." the end.

mount adams

2010-07-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

a few weekends ago, we headed north into washington to climb mount adams. lots of snow, lots of sun and a few ham sandwiches. this is the view as jesus made the sun come up.

here joren is either reading a map or maybe breaking out the ham sandwiches. in the foreground: jeff, being gay. because he is.

some words relating to mount adams. stratovolcano, debris flow, hydrogen sulfide, pyroclastic something, 30 miles east of mount st. helens.

and for the record, beth did not summit. but not because she's not a good person. it's because she's weak and slow.

summer's here...

2010-07-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

and you know what that means. time to bundle up. we went to the oregon coast last weekend with some friends. this is per. he is swedish. he wears suspenders and is filled with mystery and intrigue. his english is excellent, but i had to explain a few nuancey things like, "going apeshit" to him. swedes.

this is the beach. you might recognize it from pictures from a book or national geographic shows you may have seen.

do you see us? i'm in the orange safety jacket. for safety.

2010-07-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

ok. old news. but i thought i should let you know: i got the job that doesn't exist. it's been some months, but still. i got it. thank you for your prayers and hocus-pocus spells that landed me this surprisingly easy, but low-paying position.

for hire

2010-03-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

i usually don't post about such personal, potentially humiliating goings on, but this was of particular interest and seemed to (sadly) encapsulate the way the job hunt has been going.

so i had an interview. i pull out my lucky skirt. i fluff up the duck fuzz. only mild splotchyness and they seemed to like me. i didn't swear and only used the term "urine-soaked" once. check. i am invited for a second interview. it seems there may or may not actually be a job. but i interview again. i'm up against one other person for this job that may or may not exist. so keep your fingers crossed. or don't. like i said, who knows if there's a job.

things that look like other things

2010-03-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

i think this looks like a potato. or maybe a rock that looks like a potato.

salty nuts

2010-03-21T11:33:00.000-07:00

my pal meg was sitting on one side of the table, i the other. damn. seems i can't control my nut skins for nothin.

2010-03-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

poor, poor star fish. they have to sit on this piece of shit car. also, dead.

super churros

2010-03-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

super greasy, super delish

super fruity

double super fruity

super ring worm

sink holes

2010-03-01T20:22:00.000-08:00

these are called centotes. no. sen-oh-tays. like that. say it with me. out loud. louder! impress your neighbor with your new word.

fresh water sink holes that you can swim, dive or tinkle in.

joren, aaron and sarah coming out of the hole. kind of like a rebirth, except way less stinky.

the many faces of hayseus

2010-03-01T20:02:00.000-08:00

see. jesus comes in many forms. you might not even recognize him. for instance, he could appear to you as a frijole burrito. you might be tempted to eat him. but don't! for he is jesus. or could be. or, just a frijole burrito. whatever.

shell jesus...

regular, sort-of-scary, cemetery jesus...
silverware jesus!

mas mexico

2010-03-01T16:27:00.000-08:00

it's a marketing thing. they try to trick the whiteys into eating the chicken. but we all know it's the goat. the savory, succulent goat.

this was a postcard i bought while i was in mexico.

this was the bike we rented. you should have seen joren in the little seat. he looked ridiculous.

a magical place called mexican

2010-03-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

ahh. portland winters. they're long, but grey. so, we dusted off our passports and went to mexico. we saw some interesting things. and by interesting, i mean they gave me diarrhea.

joren bought a cheese grater from this little guy. then he ate him.

also, fish tacos!
and cow skin tacos!

and those are the lessons i learned in mexico. the end.

really? is that the best you can do?

2010-03-01T14:39:00.000-08:00

i can almost hear how it went down. 'oh yeah?! you think i've got an inner ear infection that may be affecting my balance? well, you, my dear friend, probably have GINGIVITIS!'

i mean, whose gums don't get inflamed from time to time? i think mine are inflamed RIGHT THIS SECOND.

2010-03-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

valentine's cookies. i know. valentine's day is over. but in our hearts, love always... aww crap. okay. it's over, but i forgot to show you this snapshot. i got to help make cookies at the bakery. where i work. yes, it is too work. sort of.

and the secret ingredient? no, not love. rage, with a pinch of mortification. huh. i was surprised, too.

Peas, please

2010-03-01T14:20:00.000-08:00

hold onto your bonnets. pea season's here! the little, shriveled, hardened peas are currently incubating in warm, wet paper towels awaiting their implantation in the front yard garden. and by the way, i never knew there was such a thing as front yard gardens until i moved to portland. breakin' the rules out here. kansas city NEVER told me we could plant peas in the front yard. pssh.

new wooden pods

2009-12-13T21:45:00.000-08:00

joren's building us some wooden pods to float around in. or bury me in. i better keep my eye on this project.

shoe tree

2009-12-13T21:27:00.000-08:00

i've never seen such a prolific shoe tree. i mean, shit. i was thinking of foregoing beets this spring for a shoe tree, but really. what are the chances of getting this many old, smelly, unpaired shoes?

shroomtastic

2009-12-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

i found this cauliflower mushroom recently. i also found a hobo living in the woods. i put the mushroom in my sack but just poked the hobo with a stick.

jingle pants

2009-12-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

holy craptown! i found my blog. i thought i left it either under the bed or maybe next to the cat litter box. turns out it was in the crisper. anyhow. i've found it and will be doing a better job of posting from now on because believe you me, there has been some shit goin down. hold tight!

The things i liked best about las vegas: as seen from the airport

2009-04-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

1. The catch phrase "smells like a winner".

2. The personalized key chains: no "Beth", but of course "Dylan" and "Ambrosia".

3. Losing a dollar on Wheel of Fortune slots. I, apparently, did not find the loosest slots in town. Possibly a blessing in disguise. I can still hear the haunting chant Wheel! of! Fortune! Telling me again and again, You! Are! A! Loser!

I'm not saying I don't like Las Vegas. I'm saying I really don't like it. Unless you're a rock climber or have a penchant for giant buffets, of course. Then you should definitely visit. They've got some beautiful mountains here. And some beautiful mountains of peel and eat shrimp. The dual-flush, water preserving toilets are no where to be found. And the recycling bins? They must sort it all out at the dump. And I didn't get the memo saying it was okay to take your shoes AND socks off in public places. And I'm not fancy, ask anyone. It's confusing. Then again, where else can you get a twelve dollar spicy mango margarita at 7 in the morning? I'll give Vegas that much.

they say spring's here, but it was a stinkin 33 degrees the other morning

2009-04-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

the plastic ones cost more, but they're really worth it.

just in time for easter!

2009-04-06T19:45:00.000-07:00

so apparently, the countenance of god shines on my face. a customer at the bakery told me. as you can see, things are happening.

quite possibly the best compliment i've ever received

2009-04-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

"Your uterus looks dynamite!"

2008-12-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

the tag on this one read: big gap, which i thought said, big crap.

gap, crap, it had our names all over it.
joren, coco and big crap, all dressed up.

and we all thought i had a big pie hole

2008-12-30T20:07:00.000-08:00

portland got some of the white stuff

2008-12-30T19:45:00.000-08:00

and it shut this town down for about, i don't know, ten days. i think there's a total of 3.7 snow plows in the greater metro area.

the upside, cross country skiing out your front door. and i'm not even going to mention the fun to be had regarding the back door.

baby jesus would want us to skip church on christmas...

2008-12-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

to do a little snowshoeing. of course he would.

reconnoitering in the snow. always reconnoitering.

lava tubes, aka 'the ape caves'

2008-12-30T19:32:00.000-08:00

no apes. just drippy and dark and a rogue poo on the side of the trail. true. also, not mine. the lava tubes were as craggly and inhospitable as i imagine my fallopians to be.

Nov. 5th: Things John McCain might have done today

2008-11-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

1. checked his Netflix queue

2. caught up on his "Family Circus a day" cartoons

3. put on pair of comfy pants and consumed an entire bottle of gin and like a thousand little smokies

2008-10-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

I bought some gas today for $2.29 and sold my soul for a pulled pork sandwich. What did you do? Go.

Today's top 5 coffee flavors

2008-10-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

1. vanilla

2. bologna

3. philbin

4. fromunda whip

5. self-loathing

runner up: breast milk

things you can't do if you don't believe in God, part one

2008-10-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

1. go to heaven

2. go to hell (nice)

3. make a truly heavenly dream whip pie

gum wall in seattle

2008-10-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

the texture was incredible... only truly appreciated by licking it.

other wall ideas: corndog wall. cabbage wall. hummus wall. romanian baby wall.

run, bethers! run!

2008-09-09T08:04:00.001-07:00

i finally got my new legs which i think make me faster, stronger and possibly a wee bit smarter.

august

2008-08-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

last night i smelled the first fireplace fire of the year. yes, in august.

helluva halifax

2008-08-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

first things first. nova scotia biscuits! they tasted like shit.

joren was hoping to find some native lobster claw shoes.

this is our pal jane. she's a real peach and her boy ben is, how you say, ooshie, but we adore him anyhow.

can you believe how big he is? we're so proud of our sack of carrots!

don: "something, minimalism, something, architecture, blah, blah, planar design." joren: "oh yeah? organic material, rem koolhaas, other stuff, paradigm." jane and beth: "these nachos are awesome."

i'm a giver, that's all

2008-08-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

if you can't share your wine with a baby goat, well, then you're not much of a giver. like me.

i also shared my wine with joren and now we have a new baby goat. we like to call him gary, but nothing's official.

getting to know me

2008-08-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

some adjectives people used in reference to me today at my super blast part time job at the bakery:

fresh-faced (from an old wrinkly lady)
gracious (other old lady who had kind of a fuzzy face so i was trying to be really nice)
delightful (it's all smoke and mirrors)
plate breaker (just one)
late (i had to drive back home for my falsies. teeth, not boobs.)

remember that one time?

2008-08-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

it was awesome. i ate a delicious salt water taffy and my false teeth fell out. this man is making the aforementioned taffy and i'm in the process of suing his taffy ass. that's right, taffy man, wipe that stupid smile off your face.

oregon's got it all, people

2008-08-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

and by "all", I mean...

1. sea grass. not to be confused with oat grass, which mark oatman has been known to weave into some delightful baskets, hats and vests.

2. cheese factories! do you see the cheese fairies? they wear hair nets.

official bill gray wednesday shout out

2008-08-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

hat enough for ya?

those g.d. bees

2008-07-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

there's some wacky cross-pollination happening here. i've got white pumpkins from our wedding and a zephyr squash that have joined forces, i'm quite sure for evil, seeing as how i have neither white pumpkins nor zephyr squash. just freakish, squashy mutants.

the way we americans like to celebrate independence...

2008-07-23T09:54:00.001-07:00

is by blowing shit up and lighting things on fire. all i know is two champagne glasses got broken which definitely equals big, patriotic fun.

nothin but a chicken poker

2008-07-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

this is my pal julie. she's got a big heart and an even bigger stick. a chicken stick in which to prop up the chiklings and swipe their precious cargo.

eggs. fresh from the chicken's bottom.

Roweiner

2008-07-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

sometimes we go to a magical place called Rowena in the columbia gorge. there's a river, some frosty beer beverages and also a lot of love. pictured here are a couple of jackasses i like to call my friends (pat and mo) and also another jackass i like to call my husband (jackass husband).

LOST

2008-07-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

i can't quite figure out if you're supposed to take this bus if you ARE lost, or want to GET lost. or maybe it will take you to a theater to see the last season of LOST, which i am NOT watching because i have WAY too many other rerun obligations this summer.

fruit loop 2008

2008-07-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

raspberries are god's way of saying, "enjoy some delicious nature, but not too much because i will stick you with a thousand stickery thorns if you get greedy." and it's all because he loves us.

francie, the romanian baby

2008-05-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

one of my cutest visitors to portland yet. and, apparently, her new godmother. so, in your FACE, jesus, who never thought i'd trick anyone into letting me be a godmother.

cinco de somethin

2008-05-12T13:39:00.001-07:00

cinco de mayo marked our one year anniversary in portland. it's also been a year since i've been stung by a bee. also on cinco de mayo. i think in it's own way, that bee was saying "welcome to portland". or maybe "fuck you".

we're building a fortress to keep out the republicans

2008-05-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

but so far we've just done some terracing for rhubarb and organic vegetables, also republican deterrents.

12 tons moved by joren's beefy man hands.

cornus kousa, seen below, invariably makes me hum "barracuda" which i hardly mind at all.

time to trim the unruly thatch...

2008-05-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

from in front of our house. and you know what they say. out with the shrubs and in with the rock. and it's true.

happy salty nut friday

2008-05-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

ski/surf contest that i WON

2008-04-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

in my head, as i didn't participate and drank a beer on the sidelines instead.

this could have been me, if i had dressed up like mr. koolaide guy.

what's more delicious than an ikea breakfast?

2008-04-30T11:37:00.001-07:00

the fact that it's 99 cents and no tax. and delicious.

something someone told me once, and that's the ONLY reason i know this

2008-04-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

if part of your dental bridge breaks off DO NOT try to super-glue it back on. even if you don't have dental insurance. it does NOT work.

Raiders of the Spider Monkey

2008-04-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

last weekend we went to see an adaptation of Raiders of the Lost Ark made by three 12 year olds over the course of seven years back in the 80's. it was shockingly accurate and chock full of too-short suit pants, squeaky pre-pubescent voices and a dog named Snickers in lieu of a sidekick spider monkey. in other words, awesome.

http://www.theraider.net/films/raiders_adaptation/index.php

who doesn't love duck?

2008-04-21T16:06:00.001-07:00

nature has done it again. way to go nature. baby ducks are swimming happily in the pond out back. there seems to be 10 or 11 or 12 and i've decided to name them. if you'd like to name one, it only costs a dollar or 3 for five dollars.

some names i'm tossing around:
herbaceous
peking

my lettuce is coming up

2008-04-21T15:48:00.000-07:00

so you better get this party started. that's correct. a lettuce party! so get your ass out here if you'd like some fresh lettuce. it will either be free or cheap depending how much i like you. also, b.y.o.croutons.

if you don't hear a toot in the woods does it still smell?

2008-04-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

i wish.

ass face blogger account

2008-04-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

the stupid blogger sign-in page hates me and i hate it right back. maybe it knows i'll post things it doesn't like because it hasn't let me sign in lately.

since i haven't been blogging, i've had plenty of time to come up with some theories that might be behind it:
a. joren put some sort of a block on it just like he did with the soft porn at home.
2. blogs are dumb and the universe knows it and is all up in blogger's grill.
#. i can't remember my password. "monkey"? i tried it already.
6. blogger has a severe case of diarrhea and so do i.

it's time for the annual bathtub races!

2008-04-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

and i've got a honey of an entry. i was going to go for the one with the brown stain in front of mine, but it reminded me too much of last year's, which i think is bad luck. it's also bad luck if someone drowned squirrels in your bathtub, like joren's grandma used to do. true.

where's pedro?

2008-04-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

if you looks closely, you can see the immigrant pickers. they're camouflaged, since it's immigrant season here.

fish egg and corn delight

2008-04-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

whatever it was, it was delish. sometimes i miss the unidentifiable foods from across the sea. and then sometimes i'm glad i don't have explosive diarrhea.

open your g.d. eyes

2008-03-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

because it's snowing at 50 feet.
this is a sideways picture of snow on my garlic. turn your robot head to the side. go on.

things i scored at the old folks' home rummage sale this morning

2008-03-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

scrabble. 50 cents

2 metal school lunch trays. free (not stolen, just free)

fire king bowl. 10 cents (old people have no idea how much their stuff is worth)

splurge of the day: giant old atlas. one dollar

the helpers at this sale were mostly between the ages of 80-92, which made for slow, but adorable, accounting, change making and stapling shut of bags. i think i have to volunteer next year.

names i don't really like

2008-03-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

1. Stacy

(and, if your name happens to be Stacy, I'd be interested to know what names YOU don't like.)

i never thought my baby would have so much hair...

2008-03-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

or such sharp claws. you cannot imagine my stretch marks, but it was all worth it. my friend lora somehow managed to wrangle a one-sie on the wildest kitten ever.

my car is a bigger piece of shit than yours

2008-03-19T15:48:00.000-07:00

one of my hoses (no, not my fallopian hose) sprang a leak this weekend as i was entertaining my in-town guest lora. she was a good sport and opened the magical bin where the coolant resides with a spare diaper she had in her bag. i'm convinced that midwestern stay at home moms are WAY more prepared than boy scouts. joren almost never has a spare diaper in his bag.

tuesday night

2008-03-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

last night i was wandering around with a flashlight looking for a friend's missing dog. whistling, walking, making figure 8s with my flashlight... i walked into a chicken coop and a chicken flew right at my head. luckily i had my heavy duty flashlight and beat it senseless.

the end

p.s. the dog came back.

p.s.s. the chicken did not.

i found a dead robin today

2008-03-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

i buried it in the backyard so someday soon i will have a tiny bird skull. also so he could rest in peace. until i dig him up, i mean.

yes, i do.

2008-03-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

apparently i DO have some use for jesus in my life. ps. mole eyes are no laughing matter.

some old fashioned puppy swiping

2008-03-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

i know it doesn't seem right to condone this sort of thing, but this is the puppy my nieces captured recently. her name's daisy.

some things we did this weekend, or maybe last weekend

2008-03-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

there's a cool shadow on my face that highlights my parisian moustache which is coming in just in time for easter!
on top of the world, looking down on some clouds/creation/a really tiny ihop at the base of the mountain

my spring duck fuzz is coming in! see? on the side of my head.

if you've ever wondered how i look with finger lickin chicken fingers on a ski outing

2008-03-10T16:45:00.000-07:00

well then, today's your lucky day. nothin says fun like chicken in a baggie on mount hood. and i know it's a shitty picture. i'm just trying not to be vein in an attempt for you to see the real me. the genuine greasy, lightly battered me.

not in a hat

2008-03-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

cat in a recycling basket, along with toilet paper rolls and egg cartons. but NOT pizza boxes, tina. you cannot recycle those and you will get a nasty note from the recycling crew if you try to. true.

ps. note peanut's little plastic toenail caps. we chose blue because we recently had his testicles taken off and wanted him to maintain some sort of his former masculinity. and we all know that blue toenails scream, "i still have testicles!".

some new careers i'm mulling over

2008-02-21T16:15:00.001-08:00

1. super delegate

2. super cat poo scooper

3. super stay-at-home-not-mom

4. recesstime dodgeball gym coordinator position (i found this one on craig's list)