HEAT WAVE

i woke up to a lovely 58 degrees. don't ask me if it's f or c, because i can never remember. it's the american 58. after having read it was going to be 88 today (sizzly, i know) i flew directly into "try not to panic: keep the house cool" mode.

doors were opened. fans were switched on. sweaters were donned. we (aero and i) waited. we also washed diapers and cleaned the cat box, but we waited in tandem. the moment the outside temperature equalled the inside temperature, doors were slid shut, windows closed, fingers were crossed. aero's terrible at this part. those darling fat little year old digits don't cross so well. unless they're sticky. that helps.

do we turn on lights? no. dryer? nuh uh. oven? for god's sake no. to support this "no oven if it's hotter than 82 degrees" policy, i've been creating, crafting and honing meals i can cook in a large foil pouch and put on the grill. it's in a tenuous attempt to keep the house cool during these tremendously oppressive heat waves we get in the pacific northwest. so back to foil pouches. kind of like camp, but with no chiggers and frosty cold beers. i still pee outside some, but we have the option of using the fancy inside toilets.

today's foil pouch creation started with, "hey. i've got some cauliflower in the fridge". about 6 pounds of refrigerator treasures and 2 yards of foil later, i think i'm done.

pouch ingredients for those of you who are waiting anxiously on the edge of your seat...

cauliflower. broccoli. chick peas. yellow onion. yams (i think they're yams, at least. maybe parsnips). golden beets. olive oil. curry powder. garlic salt. a kiss of ginger. garam masala. and... drum roll here... THE JUICE OF A  GODDAMNED LIME!

i know this makes some of you want to get here as fast as a southwest direct flight can carry you. others? makes you maybe never want to come. or at the very least, bring a slab of ribs with you the next time you do. (which i encourage, by the way).

i'm not ashamed so shut up

i just polished off a can of easy cheese and i wanted to report back on the most interesting things the can told me.

• made with real cheese
• no need to refrigerate
• excellent source of calcium!

baby went a walkin'

aero and i went on a nature walk today, mostly to find free flowers to cut. not out of people's yards. but little neighborhood nooks maybe where a daffodil or two are blooming, and lonely, and in need of a good home. no such luck. nature can be such a stinge.

oh, portland.

i saw a sign today at my neighborhood library for a lovely little event called "Read to the Dogs". no shit. i mean, i can't find time or room in my heart to read to, i don't know, blind people. or old people. one person can be indifferent to only so many neglected souls.

you're not hungry, you're thirsty

someone tried to tell me this recently. and "maybe" i was "thirsty", mostly because i drink like 6 ounces of water every other day, but god dammit if i didn't also feel like some delicious spare ribs.

where the F is my rolling pin?

don't panic. i found it, but not before borrowing my neighbor's tupperware version. SUCK. it totally sucked. it was a plastic tube, not at all useful for a. rolling chilled dough (or) b. beating your children. in the end i used a bottle of tequila. for rolling, beating AND drinking.

today

i'm tackling the boxes stacked in the guest room,

most of which are marked with a combination of the following words:

fragile

super-fragile

shells

jars

jars with shells

jars with other things

beakers

croquet balls

fur hat

so. if you need any shells. or jars. or croquet balls, we've got plenty.

also, globes. lots of globes. but only one fur hat.

Duct tape pants update

i'm still wearing them. the corduroys i fixed with duct tape. or should i say ROCKIN them. hard. the duct tape is sort of coming loose. sort of! get off my back! they're still fine, and completely fuzz-less.

I had a baby

for those of you who did not know, i birthed a baby.

magical? wondrous?

perhaps.

if you think the sensation of pushing a bowling ball

out your bottom is magical.

it is. and she's perfect.

Turn that shit UP

i'm not very technical, but the volume on our cd player only turns up to what i think is about a 3. 4 maximum, before it shuts off and starts blinking at me. i cannot. nay, will not live my life on volume 3. those who know me are nodding.