LOST!

no. not just a chicken. a TINY grey chicken.

posted all over my neighborhood, i surmised this tiny grey chicken was loved. or worth at least a hundred dollars.

you can imagine my surprise when i saw a little chicken running across the street in front of our house. actually, it happens more than one might think. loose chickens happen fairly frequently in portland. we're irresponsible that way.

so i think, WOW! i am a. going to capture this chicken b. reunite a family and c. make some sweet reward cash! all in one afternoon!

so, i corner the chicken in a neighbor's yard and call the number on the poster. yes, it's a chicken. it's sort of little. and black and white. does that constitute grey? the guy comes running down the street to where the chicken is now taking a dust bath, whatever that is. turns out it's not the tiny grey chicken, but a totally different chicken he had misplaced. apparently, no reward for this loser. suck!

at first i thought this said...

stop eating flies. which i thought was hilarious. hilarious! no. i don' t know why.

but stop eating flesh? not funny at all.

my work trip to salida, colorado

pat and i worked all week on our business plan.

work, work, work.

trip highlights: free day old bread from the caring and sharing thrift shop! and...

prunes, a burro.

the fun shit we used to do before we tore down the house

wear spandex, i mean.

we still wear helmets. always helmets.

fancy pants

who says you have to buy new pants just because all the corduroy lines have worn off? the pants police? news flash! I AM the new pants police. so if anybody asks, you can catch them up to speed. no elections, really. just self appointed.

talking to strangers in truck stop parking lots isn't always a bad idea.

look at this truck loaded with dog nests! who knew that's how pack animals travelled in the wild.

hollywood look-alikes!! read on!

so i recently watched Temple Grandin, an autobiographical movie about Dr. Grandin, a famous animal behaviorist who happens to be autistic. Temple is thoughtfully played by Claire Danes.

i mean, it must have been like looking into a mirror when they met each other! astounding!

up-to-the minute BETH flash

my torso is covered in giant, rashy, ITCHY, hive-like splotches

dear readers.

all three of you. the man has been auditing the content of my wee blog. why would the man want to interfere with me? my words? no se. no se, at all. so, if you happen to read an especially lame entry, let's go ahead and blame it on him. and, thank you big blue pencil for your wisdom.

bakery chit chat

so, i overhear someone talking about olden times. they say, "dinosaur". i try to make a joke about my olden times eggs and say, "vaginosaur!". which, sounded like "vagina sore!". either way, awesome comeback.

BHM pt. 1

i call this one "carl celebrates black history month by riding a giant, wooden fish".

look what i got in the mail.

one extra crazy peanut.

just another thing to make me doubt the size and power of my brain.

peach. with a mention of raspberries, an indication of blueberries. and most certainly, a loathing of lattice. lattice work, not unlike the man, tries to keep me down. you will not succeed today lattice. maybe tomorrow. but not today.

i'm back on the darning bandwagon. and i'm thinking about dabbling in a bit of damning, too. so, if i happen to damn you in the upcoming days, know it's nothing personal. just a phase.

i saw black swan the other day.

when i was little i always dreamed of having feathers. ahh. childhood aspirations.