a hobo spider bit me yesterday.

but in retrospect, it's not as bad as the actual hobo bite i also received yesterday.

crooked lettering is almost as funny as crooked teeth. mispelled words just make me a little sad, though.

meat waffle

i don't even know if i like waffles all that much. don't get me wrong. they're better than pancakes. but bacon on a waffle? and brie? do you see it? look closer. open those g.d eyes and behold.

lake made of crater juice

in southern oregon, there is a place called crater lake. it is deep and blue and if you stare at the snow banks long enough you will realize it is summer in oregon.

big wood

remember the trees of mystery from a few blogs ago? well, these trees were chopped down and carved into some mysterious shapes and scenes.

i think this one was called, "giant harnessed working rat".

jesus has the whole world in his hands. also, a small heifer.

sand all up in my crack

the west coast is almost as ugly as you've heard.

this is just a big beach log i found. nothing funny about it.

maybe i could be a carnie.

in my quest for gainful employment, i've been considering some alternate careers. could i be a carnie? am i disinterested enough? lazy enough? maybe, just maybe i am.

(above) all kinds of highly skilled, dedicated folks down at our local amusement park.

(below) some other yokels, my brother and the j-man.

T O M: get ready to be mystified

there's a magical place in northern california called Trees of Mystery. indeed, the trees are somewhat mysterious. BUT, even more curious, giant paul bunyan and babe the blue ox welcoming you... enticing you... maybe even frightening you, if even just a little.

most mysterious of all: GIANT PLASTER TESTES.

the reason waffles are better than pancakes is a parallel theory to why malts are better than shakes

i made some waffles the other day, and i thought to myself, "damn, these are some fine looking waffles." the end.

mount adams

a few weekends ago, we headed north into washington to climb mount adams. lots of snow, lots of sun and a few ham sandwiches. this is the view as jesus made the sun come up.

here joren is either reading a map or maybe breaking out the ham sandwiches. in the foreground: jeff, being gay. because he is.

some words relating to mount adams. stratovolcano, debris flow, hydrogen sulfide, pyroclastic something, 30 miles east of mount st. helens.

and for the record, beth did not summit. but not because she's not a good person. it's because she's weak and slow.

summer's here...

and you know what that means. time to bundle up. we went to the oregon coast last weekend with some friends. this is per. he is swedish. he wears suspenders and is filled with mystery and intrigue. his english is excellent, but i had to explain a few nuancey things like, "going apeshit" to him. swedes.

this is the beach. you might recognize it from pictures from a book or national geographic shows you may have seen.

do you see us? i'm in the orange safety jacket. for safety.

ok. old news. but i thought i should let you know: i got the job that doesn't exist. it's been some months, but still. i got it. thank you for your prayers and hocus-pocus spells that landed me this surprisingly easy, but low-paying position.

for hire

i usually don't post about such personal, potentially humiliating goings on, but this was of particular interest and seemed to (sadly) encapsulate the way the job hunt has been going.

so i had an interview. i pull out my lucky skirt. i fluff up the duck fuzz. only mild splotchyness and they seemed to like me. i didn't swear and only used the term "urine-soaked" once. check. i am invited for a second interview. it seems there may or may not actually be a job. but i interview again. i'm up against one other person for this job that may or may not exist. so keep your fingers crossed. or don't. like i said, who knows if there's a job.

things that look like other things

i think this looks like a potato. or maybe a rock that looks like a potato.

salty nuts

my pal meg was sitting on one side of the table, i the other. damn. seems i can't control my nut skins for nothin.

poor, poor star fish. they have to sit on this piece of shit car. also, dead.

super churros

super greasy, super delish

super fruity

double super fruity

super ring worm

sink holes

these are called centotes. no. sen-oh-tays. like that. say it with me. out loud. louder! impress your neighbor with your new word.

fresh water sink holes that you can swim, dive or tinkle in. 

joren, aaron and sarah coming out of the hole. kind of like a rebirth, except way less stinky.

the many faces of hayseus

see. jesus comes in many forms. you might not even recognize him. for instance, he could appear to you as a frijole burrito. you might be tempted to eat him. but don't! for he is jesus. or could be. or, just a frijole burrito. whatever.

shell jesus...

regular, sort-of-scary, cemetery jesus...
silverware jesus!

mas mexico

it's a marketing thing. they try to trick the whiteys into eating the chicken. but we all know it's the goat. the savory, succulent goat.

this was a postcard i bought while i was in mexico.

this was the bike we rented. you should have seen joren in the little seat. he looked ridiculous.

a magical place called mexican

ahh. portland winters. they're long, but grey. so, we dusted off our passports and went to mexico. we saw some interesting things. and by interesting, i mean they gave me diarrhea.

joren bought a cheese grater from this little guy. then he ate him.

also, fish tacos!
and cow skin tacos!

and those are the lessons i learned in mexico. the end.

really? is that the best you can do?

i can almost hear how it went down. 'oh yeah?! you think i've got an inner ear infection that may be affecting my balance? well, you, my dear friend, probably have GINGIVITIS!'

i mean, whose gums don't get inflamed from time to time? i think mine are inflamed RIGHT THIS SECOND.

valentine's cookies. i know. valentine's day is over. but in our hearts, love always... aww crap. okay. it's over, but i forgot to show you this snapshot. i got to help make cookies at the bakery. where i work. yes, it is too work. sort of.

and the secret ingredient? no, not love. rage, with a pinch of mortification. huh. i was surprised, too.

Peas, please

hold onto your bonnets. pea season's here! the little, shriveled, hardened peas are currently incubating in warm, wet paper towels awaiting their implantation in the front yard garden. and by the way, i never knew there was such a thing as front yard gardens until i moved to portland. breakin' the rules out here. kansas city NEVER told me we could plant peas in the front yard. pssh.